**Title:** KENTUCKY PRIMARY: In Shocking Twist, Voters Somehow Forced to Choose Between Two Guys Who Both Want to Ban Books and Cut Your Healthcare 05-19
**Title:** HBO’s New Harry Potter Reboot Casts Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson as Hermione, and the Fandom Is *Totally* Chill About It 05-19
**Title:** AI Startup Founder "Disrupts" Work-Life Balance by Living in a Server Farm, Claims It's "Innovation" 05-19
**Tinseltown's Unseen Pattern: Is the Ariel Winter Comeback a Re-Run of the Judy Garland Playbook?** 05-19
**The Red Lobster in Tallahassee Closed Abruptly This Week — And History Buffs Are Already Comparing It to the Fall of Saigon.** 05-19
**The Moral Decay of Self-Made Man: Founder “Accidentally” Donates $50 Million to Charity, Crashes Silicon Valley’s Soul** 05-19
**THE $79.99 PARADOX: Why Sony’s PlayStation Plus Price Hike Mirrors the Collapse of the Roman Republic** 05-19