**FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE**

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

The Zahara Jolie-Pitt Graduation Gown Gets an Extra Layer: Mom’s Entire Closet

LOS ANGELES, CA — In a plot twist that has shattered the very fabric of college graduations everywhere, Zahara Jolie-Pitt did not just graduate from Spelman College yesterday—she effectively read every single one of her classmates, her professors, and the entire student body for filth, whilst smiling serenely in a gold-trimmed cap.

The internet is currently in a state of mass hysteria after discovering that Zahara’s graduation look was, according to forensic fashion analysts, “stolen” from the literal DNA of Angelina Jolie. Specifically, sources confirm that Zahara wore a vintage gown that was famously worn by her mother in a deleted scene from Mr. & Mrs. Smith that involved “looking too iconic to be killed.”

However, the viral irony runs deeper than the fabric. Historians are pointing out that this is the first graduation in recorded history where the parents are the ones who looked like they needed a chaperone. While Brad Pitt was reportedly seen handing out cigars that he keeps in a briefcase labeled “The Curious Case of My Midlife Crisis,” Angelina Jolie was spotted coordinating with the HBCU’s color palette so aggressively that the school is now considering naming a shade of black after her: “Angelina Black (It’s the void of all my ex-husband’s energy).”

The true comedy? Zahara reportedly told a campus reporter, “I’m just glad my mom’s lips finally took a day off and let my diploma take center stage.”

Why is this trending? Because the internet has decided that this is not a graduation. It is a hostile takeover of the entire concept of “having cool parents.” Zahara Jolie-Pitt did not just get a