**HEADLINE: House Freedom Caucus Votes to Rename Cafeteria "The Thomas Massie Polling Station" After He Polls Them on What to Order for Lunch**

HEADLINE: House Freedom Caucus Votes to Rename Cafeteria “The Thomas Massie Polling Station” After He Polls Them on What to Order for Lunch

Washington, D.C. — In a move that has political strategists scratching their heads and constitutional scholars double-checking the 10th Amendment, Rep. Thomas Massie (R-KY) has reportedly polled his fellow House members on what they think of his polling habits.

According to the viral data—sourced entirely from a straw poll Massie conducted during a hearing on election integrity—a shocking 73% of his colleagues replied, “What are you, my wife?” A further 18% asked if the poll was blockchain-verified.

The irony? The original Massie poll that sparked this latest trend—asking if the House should recess early for the Kentucky Derby—received a 97% approval rating, making it the most popular bipartisan act since the Capitol squirrel was granted honorary chaplain status.

“Thomas doesn’t just poll his district,” said a spokesman. “He polls his dog, his tractor, and now the entire Library of Congress on whether the Dewey Decimal System is ‘still cringe.’” Social media users have responded with a flood of memes showing Massie holding a clipboard at Mount Rushmore, asking the four presidents to rank their favorite executive orders.

Critics say the obsession has gotten out of hand, but Massie remains unbothered. “I’m not saying we should run the country by poll,” he said, pausing to check his phone. “But my followers just voted 89% in favor of me finishing this sentence.”