**Supreme Court Orders Immediate Release of All Supreme Court Justices’ Meme Stashes**

Supreme Court Orders Immediate Release of All Supreme Court Justices’ Meme Stashes

Washington, D.C. — In a stunning 9-0 decision issued today, the Supreme Court ruled that “the people have a compelling interest in understanding the Court’s internal sense of humor.” The ruling mandates that every Justice immediately declassify their personal meme collections, including the fabled “John Roberts Shrug” folder, the “Ketanji Brown Jackson vs. the Grammar Police” compilation, and—most critically—the long-rumored “Clarence Thomas Sleeping Reactions” archive.

The decision came after a viral Twitter thread exposed that Justice Sonia Sotomayor had been reacting to every dissent with a GIF of a cat slowly blinking. “This is a matter of national security and cultural literacy,” wrote the majority opinion. “We cannot trust ourselves to interpret the Constitution if we cannot trust ourselves to share a good spicy take.”

The internet, predictably, is now in chaos. The official release is expected to crash at least three servers. Early leaked snippets include a cruel yet accurate “To Be Fair, You Have to Have a Very High IQ to Understand Marbury v. Madison” meme, and a secretly circulated image of Justice Brett Kavanaugh looking wistfully at a case of beer captioned: “I solemnly swear to uphold the law… after happy hour.”

Legal analysts note that the ruling does not require the Justices to create new memes, only to surrender the old ones. “The implications are staggering,” said Professor Lila Mendoza of Georgetown Law. “We may finally learn why Chief Justice Roberts once smiled cryptically at a 1L’s tweet about standing doctrine. The people deserve to know.”

As of press time, Justice Thomas has reportedly requested a 30-day extension, citing a “shockingly large digital footprint” and the need to “find a good meme template for the inevitable dissent.”