**ROCK GOD REBORN: STEVEN TYLER, 76, RELEASES AI-HOLOGRAM ALBUM, CRASHES STOCK MARKET for VINTAGE HAND-MADE MICROPHONES**

ROCK GOD REBORN: STEVEN TYLER, 76, RELEASES AI-HOLOGRAM ALBUM, CRASHES STOCK MARKET FOR VINTAGE HAND-MADE MICROPHONES

NASHVILLE, TN — In a move that has shattered the music industry’s business model and sent audiophiles into a frenzy, Steven Tyler has officially abandoned flesh-and-blood touring for a fully autonomous digital avatar.

At a press conference earlier today, Aerosmith’s frontman unveiled “The Screaming Dematerialization,” a 12-track album recorded entirely through a neural interface that captures his “vocal DNA.” The album drops exclusively via a proprietary $PELVIS token.

The fallout?

• Stock Chaos: Shares of Shure and Neumann plummeted after Tyler announced he melted down his legendary stage microphones to forge a single, one-of-a-kind, gold-plated medallion.
• The $100M Artifact: Auction house Sotheby’s valued the medallion at $100 million, citing “the permanent end of analog rock vocal performance.”
• The “Permission Slip” Clause: Taylor Swift and The Rolling Stones are reportedly in legal battles over similar AI-rights agreements. Tyler’s contract famously includes a clause forcing his hologram to exhibit “30% more swagger” than the human original.

The Quote: “I’m not dying. I’m just becoming a lens flare,” Tyler rasped through a synthesizer, before his avatar flickered into a perfect 1975-era image and exited the stage through a digital wormhole.

The Controversy: Critics argue the move will destroy the concert economy. Fans are already pirating the web3 album, while Gen Z has declared the medallion a “feminine-rage artifact” on TikTok, sparking a viral street-fashion movement of people wearing broken