**BOSTON – Bad News, Rock Fans and Concertgoers: Steven Tyler’s Voice Is Officially Listed as a "Pre-Existing Condition" Under Your New Insurance Plan.**

BOSTON – Bad news, rock fans and concertgoers: Steven Tyler’s voice is officially listed as a “pre-existing condition” under your new insurance plan.

In a bizarre ruling by a major U.S. health insurer this morning, policyholders who attempt to sing “Dream On” at karaoke bars or in the shower for more than 30 seconds will now be charged a premium “vocals surcharge” of $47.50 per event. Why? The insurance company claims that covering someone who tries to hit Tyler’s signature high notes is medically equivalent to “extreme sports coverage.”

The move comes after a confidential actuarial study allegedly found that the “Aerosmith Effect” causes a 300% spike in strained vocal cords and pulled chest muscles among middle-aged dads every time a classic rock station plays.

Your Wallet’s Take: If you own a karaoke machine, you might want to throw it out. Insiders warn that the next step could be a “Steven Tyler decibel tax” on car stereos. Want to belt “Sweet Emotion” at a red light? That’ll be $12.99 per scream.

The Bottom Line: The insurance giant is facing massive backlash, but they’re standing firm with a press release stating, “We’re not trying to crush your dreams. We’re just trying to protect your larynx.”

Stay safe out there, Boston. And for the love of all that is holy: lower the key.