**CLASSIFIED LEAK // EYES ONLY // CHAOS PROTOCOL ACTIVATED**

CLASSIFIED LEAK // EYES ONLY // CHAOS PROTOCOL ACTIVATED

SOURCE: Deep within the Capitol, where the marble runs cold and the phones are swept daily.

STATUS: Verified.

SNIPPET:

BREAKING: “THE TITANIC SWALLOW” — Senate GOP Leadership Has Issued A Triple-Oath To Confirm Trump’s Cabinet In A Single, Uninterrupted 48-Hour Session.

Internal planning documents, marked with a cryptic “Project Avalanche,” reveal a desperate plot to ram all contentious nominees through before the public and the press corps can process their backgrounds. Sources report that Leadership has pre-scripted cloture votes, pre-staged “disappearing” blue slips, and—most alarmingly—pre-arranged for three senior Republicans to feign medical emergencies as a procedural delay tactic to hold the floor if Democrats filibuster.

The whisper under the dome: “One bad batch? Too bad. We’re drinking the whole bottle before the hangover hits.” If this fails, expect a pre-dawn recess appointment that will make the Christmas Tree lighting look like a military coup.

TAGLINE: They aren’t just greasing the wheels. They’re setting the track on fire before the train arrives.