**BREAKING: MILLENNIUM FORCE RIDERS LEFT DANGLING for 45 MINUTES—"COMMON SENSE" FAILS AGAIN**

BREAKING: MILLENNIUM FORCE RIDERS LEFT DANGLING FOR 45 MINUTES—“COMMON SENSE” FAILS AGAIN

Cedar Point, OH – A local resident is sounding off after a group of riders was stranded 310 feet in the air on the Millennium Force roller coaster for 45 minutes during yesterday’s afternoon heat wave.

“I watched them sit up there, sweating in the sun, while park staff tried to figure out which end of the wrench to use,” says Mark “Common Sense” Henderson, a disgruntled Sandusky local. “This isn’t rocket science—it’s common sense! If your train stops on the lift hill, you get a ladder, a rope, and a walkie-talkie. You don’t call a three-hour committee meeting on safety protocols.”

Henderson, who claims he could have fixed the issue “in ten minutes flat if they’d just listen to me,” says the incident is another example of “overpaid engineers and under-trained ride operators missing the obvious.”

“Millennium Force is 20 years old. You’re telling me a chain lift failure hasn’t happened before? Where’s the backup plan? Where’s the common sense? My grandpa’s barn pulley system would’ve gotten them down faster.”

The park has since apologized and offered affected riders free churros. Henderson remains unimpressed: “Churros? They should be handing out manual labor lessons.”