**FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE**
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
**SAN FRANCISCO — In a move that has left Silicon Valley both baffled and delighted, Salesforce CEO Marc Benioff has announced he will be renaming the company’s iconic cloud platform “Salesforce 360” to “The Force of Good™ 361°.”
The change, effective immediately, includes adding a single, superfluous degree to the circle, which Benioff claims will “capture the extra 1% of planetary karma that capitalism was missing.”
In a press release delivered via hologram from a retreat in Kauai, Benioff explained that the decision was inspired by a particularly vivid dream in which Steve Jobs appeared to him wearing a tie-dye hoodie and holding a tambourine.
“Customers don’t want just a CRM,” Benioff said, tears welling in his eyes. “They want a CRM that feels feelings. They want a pipeline that also meditates. They want a cloud that has a soul.”
The announcement caused an immediate 7% drop in Salesforce stock, which analysts attribute not to market panic, but to a synchronized, existential sigh from every enterprise sales rep who now has to re-learn the product’s value proposition. Internal memos have already leaked showing a “Trailhead” module titled “Mastering the Metaphysics of the 361st Degree.”
Meanwhile, competitors are scrambling. Microsoft has reportedly greenlit “Azure: The One That Also Apologizes,” while Oracle’s Larry Ellison simply texted reporters a single word: “LOL.”
When asked if the name change was just a distraction from Salesforce’s ongoing activist investor battles, Benioff smiled, rang a singing bowl, and replied: “Distraction is a human concept. I am a vessel for the zeitgeist. Also, you can now buy ‘The Force of Good’ branded yoga mats in the company store for $199.”
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