**Headline: Satan’s Sauna: Asphalt Melts Morals in Nationwide ‘Heat Prorogue’**

Headline: Satan’s Sauna: Asphalt Melts Morals in Nationwide ‘Heat Prorogue’

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE — In a blistering sign that the moral compass of the West has finally snapped, the National Weather Service has issued a heat advisory for 47 states, but sociologists are calling it a “Heat Prorogue”—a period of suspended ethics where civic duty evaporates faster than the pavement.

“Yesterday, a man in Phoenix let his neighbor’s sprinkler run for an extra five minutes, stealing water from the community reservoir. In Chicago, a woman took a second helping of lemonade at a block party without donating to the fund,” reports moral critic Dr. Helen Thorne. “This is not about temperature. This is the final degradation. When the mercury hits 100, the Ten Commandments become the Ten Suggestions.”

The viral moment? A video from a Waffle House in Georgia shows two patrons fighting over the last booth by the broken A/C unit. “One of them called the other a ‘poor thermal manager,’” says Thorne. “We used to fight for honor. Now we fight for drafts. The heat is not warming the planet—it’s melting the last shreds of decorum.”

Critics warn that if this trend continues, the next advisory won’t be for heat stroke, but for a total stroke of societal collapse. Stay hydrated—your ethics are dehydrating faster than your body.