**AITA for Thinking the New Harry Potter TV Show Is Just Going to Be a 10-Season-Long Cry-Fest About Snape's Tragic Boner for a Dead Ginger?**

AITA for thinking the new Harry Potter TV show is just going to be a 10-season-long cry-fest about Snape’s tragic boner for a dead ginger?

TL;DR: HBO announces they’re recasting the entire Golden Trio for their reboot, and I swear to Merlin, half the fandom is already drafting 50-page thinkpieces about how the new Hermione’s eyebrows are “too expressive” for the character. Meanwhile, the other half is unironically arguing that the actor playing young Dumbledore needs to have “that certain je ne sais quoi of a man who definitely fucked Grindelwald in a ditch behind a pub.”

First of all, we really doing this again? We’re gonna sit through another 70 hours of “Harry discovers a rock is a Horcrux” and “Ron has the emotional depth of a wet sock”? The only interesting casting choice will be who they get to play the Whomping Willow, because that tree has had more character development than Cho Chang.

My hot take: The show will be aggressively mid. It’ll have 4K CGI house elves but the script will still sound like J.K. Rowling’s Twitter feed wrote it. Also, if they cast anyone under 25 as McGonagall who doesn’t look like they could bench-press a Nimbus 2000, I’m marching to King’s Cross to unionize the Dementors.

Verdict: ESH. Everyone Sucks Here. The studio for even trying, the fans for pretending they won’t watch it, and the ghost of Richard Harris for haunting the casting director’s dreams every night. Just let the franchise die, you cowards.

PS: If they do a Quidditch scene without making the Bludger sound like a 2008 Xbox 360 red-ringing, we riot. 🏏